Judge Christopher Hehir today jailed five eco-nerds for peaceful protest.
The Judge – a miserly looking, belligerent old whingebag – passed the harshest peaceful protest sentences in the history of peaceful protest sentences.
The five protestors – Roger Hallam, 58, Daniel Shaw, 38, Louise Lancaster, 58, Lucia Whittaker De Abreu, 35, and Cressida Gethin, 22 – organised and took part in the blocking of the M25 in an attempt to cause traffic gridlock to parts of Southern England.
Their motivation was to bring an end to further gas and oil exploration in the North Sea and raise awareness to the ongoing climate shit-show.
Their actions were adjudged to have caused major disruption and inconvenience. Though, admittedly, that will be nothing compared to the inconvenience caused when a Tsunami envelops London in 2045, due to climate change.
Despite the fact a huge majority of scientists believe the earth is facing a relatively near future catastrophe, the Judge decided that the people of earth are not yet ready to hear this news.
‘X’ (formerly known as Twitter) was a flurry with activity as academics on both sides of the argument making well-reasoned, completely rational points, at all times.
Including such articulate points as “hahaha should’ve been f**king longer”.
Supporters of the five protestors compared their jail sentence to the amount of time others have been convicted for other seemingly more serious crimes, like paedophiles. Though, it could be argued there is never a good time to compare your friends to a paedophile.
When asked to comment on the sentences, the Earth replied “I’m f**ked, but I appreciate the efforts the Eco-nerds went to”.
The Bellfawst Noos 
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